Page:Fugitive Poetry 1600-1878.djvu/492
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474
THE SPORTSMAN'S DISTRESS.
In her household a pattern of saving you saw,.
For she could with ease make her bricks without straw.
Roast and boiled at her table she had every day,
For potatoes, you know, can be cooked either way:
And at feasts a plum-puddiug with her wasn't rare,
For 'tis a plum-pudding, when one plum is there!
Certain rubbish it chanced 'twas expedient to clear,
And the job being over, to give John some beer:—
A tankard was drawn—"'Tis my brewing," said she,
"Malt and hops—nothing else;"—"Yes, ma'am, to be free,"
Said the man, "something else—I believe a slight matter"—
"What else?" she exclaimed—"Why," said John, "madam, water!"
"Ay, true," was her answer—"Yes, that I forgot"—
"No," said John with a grin, "No, ma'am, you did not!"
For she could with ease make her bricks without straw.
Roast and boiled at her table she had every day,
For potatoes, you know, can be cooked either way:
And at feasts a plum-puddiug with her wasn't rare,
For 'tis a plum-pudding, when one plum is there!
Certain rubbish it chanced 'twas expedient to clear,
And the job being over, to give John some beer:—
A tankard was drawn—"'Tis my brewing," said she,
"Malt and hops—nothing else;"—"Yes, ma'am, to be free,"
Said the man, "something else—I believe a slight matter"—
"What else?" she exclaimed—"Why," said John, "madam, water!"
"Ay, true," was her answer—"Yes, that I forgot"—
"No," said John with a grin, "No, ma'am, you did not!"
The Horse-Dealer and His Groom.
A horse-dealer, famous for nags with long tails,
Of which he oft made pretty well by his sales,
Was once served a trick by a rogue in the night,
Who broke into the stable, and then, without light,
Cut off every tail of the nags that were there,
To the horse-dealer's terror and utter despair—
Who came in the morning, and with him his groom,
Lamenting most sorely his sorrowful doom.
The groom was a wag, as this story will show,
For when his poor master was weeping with woe,
He cried, "My good sir, prithee take this advice,
And then you'll get rid of your nags in a trice,
Sell them wholesale."—"How wholesale?" the master exclaimed,
At this seeming impudence vastly inflamed;
"Why yes, sir, 'tis best, since your first plan has failed,
For certain it is they can ne'er be retailed!"
Of which he oft made pretty well by his sales,
Was once served a trick by a rogue in the night,
Who broke into the stable, and then, without light,
Cut off every tail of the nags that were there,
To the horse-dealer's terror and utter despair—
Who came in the morning, and with him his groom,
Lamenting most sorely his sorrowful doom.
The groom was a wag, as this story will show,
For when his poor master was weeping with woe,
He cried, "My good sir, prithee take this advice,
And then you'll get rid of your nags in a trice,
Sell them wholesale."—"How wholesale?" the master exclaimed,
At this seeming impudence vastly inflamed;
"Why yes, sir, 'tis best, since your first plan has failed,
For certain it is they can ne'er be retailed!"
The Sportsman's Distress.
I've lost my friend, my dog, and wife,
Saved only horse and purse;
Yet whn I think on human life,
Thank heaven it is no worse.
Saved only horse and purse;
Yet whn I think on human life,
Thank heaven it is no worse.