Page:Fugitive Poetry 1600-1878.djvu/472
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THE HUSBAND'S COMPLAINT.
I heaved a sigh, most sadly, darkly, deep,
To think me disenchanted by his pains;
I turned aside—once more I closed my eyes—
And tried again with dreams to fraternise!
To think me disenchanted by his pains;
I turned aside—once more I closed my eyes—
And tried again with dreams to fraternise!
When suddenly the monster—as I thought—
Again disturbed me by a fearful shake;
I saw its head—I heard its voice distraught;
I felt myself awakened and awake.
I gazed with awe—my eyes the monster sought—
When thus what seemed its form, arose and spake:—
"You nuisance! Mr. B.—no peace in life,
What with your dreams and schemes!"—It was my Wife!
Again disturbed me by a fearful shake;
I saw its head—I heard its voice distraught;
I felt myself awakened and awake.
I gazed with awe—my eyes the monster sought—
When thus what seemed its form, arose and spake:—
"You nuisance! Mr. B.—no peace in life,
What with your dreams and schemes!"—It was my Wife!
The Husband's Complaint.
"Will she thy linen wash and hosen darn?"—Gay.
I'm utterly sick of this hateful alliance
Which the ladies have formed with impractical science!
They put out their washing to learn hydrostatics,
And give themselves airs for the sake of pneumatics.
Which the ladies have formed with impractical science!
They put out their washing to learn hydrostatics,
And give themselves airs for the sake of pneumatics.
They are knowing in muriate, and nitrate, and chlorine,
While the stains gather fast on the walls and the flooring—
And the jellies and pickles fall wofully short,
With their chemical use of the still and retort.
While the stains gather fast on the walls and the flooring—
And the jellies and pickles fall wofully short,
With their chemical use of the still and retort.
Our expenses increase (without drinking French wines),
For they keep no accounts, with their tangents and sines—
And to make both ends meet they give little assistance,
With their accurate sense of the squares of the distance.
For they keep no accounts, with their tangents and sines—
And to make both ends meet they give little assistance,
With their accurate sense of the squares of the distance.
They can name every spot from Peru to El Arish,
Except just the bounds of their own native parish;
And they study the orbits of Venus and Saturn,
While their home is resigned to the thief and the slattern.
Except just the bounds of their own native parish;
And they study the orbits of Venus and Saturn,
While their home is resigned to the thief and the slattern.
Chronology keeps back the dinner two hours,
The smoke-jack stands still while they learn motive powers;
Flies and shells swallow up all our every-day gains,
And our acres are mortgaged for fossil remains.
The smoke-jack stands still while they learn motive powers;
Flies and shells swallow up all our every-day gains,
And our acres are mortgaged for fossil remains.
They cease to reflect with their talk of refraction—
They drive us from home by electric attraction;
And I'm sure since they've bothered their heads with affinity,
I'm repulsed every hour from my learned divinity.
They drive us from home by electric attraction;
And I'm sure since they've bothered their heads with affinity,
I'm repulsed every hour from my learned divinity.