Yes Minister/Quotes


It is necessary to get behind someone in order to stab them in the back.
—Sir Humphrey Appleby

Sir Humphrey: Ladysmith House is top secret.
Hacker: How can a seven storey building in Walthamstow be top secret?

Sir Humphrey: Where there's a will, there's a way.
—"The Economy Drive"

Hacker: Fortunately, Bernard, most of our journalists are so incompetent they'd have the gravest difficulty in finding out that today is Wednesday.

Woolley: It's actually Thursday.
—"The Compassionate Society"

Sir Humphrey: The only way to understand the Press is to remember that they pander to their readers' prejudices.
Hacker: Don't tell me about the Press -- I know exactly who reads the papers! The Daily Mirror is read by the people who think they run the country. The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country. The Times is read by the people who actually do run the country. The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country. The Financial Times is read by people who own the country. The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country; the Daily Telegraph is read by the people who think it is.
Sir Humphrey: Eh, Prime Minister, what about the people who read the Sun?
Woolley: Sun readers don't care who runs the country as long as she's got big tits.

'He's a smooth-tongued, cold-eyed, hard-nosed, two-faced creep,' I said, trying to be fair.
She was puzzled. 'How is he so successful?'
'Because,' I explained, 'he's a smooth-tongued, cold-eyed, hard-nosed, two-faced creep.'

—Jim Hacker and Mrs. Hacker, The Complete Yes Minister (1981)
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