Grave Humor/Quotes

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    Mel Blanc: That's All, Folks!

    The "one parting joke" as a gravestone epitaph is an obscure tradition which has been going on, largely under the radar, since at least the eighteenth or nineteenth century. There are many printed books of these, some dating back as far as The Sixties:

    • Grave Humor by Alonzo C. Hall. Charlotte, N.C., McNally of Charlotte, 1961.
    • Over Their Dead Bodies by Thomas C. Mann and Janet Greene. Brattleboro, Vt., Stephen Greene Press, 1962.
    • Last Laughs: Funny Tombstone Quotes and Famous Last Words, Kathleen E. Miller, Sterling Publishing Company 2006.
    • I Told You I Was Sick: A Grave Book of Curious Epitaphs by Nigel Rees. 288 pages. Cassell (1 Nov 2005).

    These also appear occasionally in fictional works. Fallout 2 appears to have taken and incorporated a list of amusing gravestone inscriptions which has been circulating unattributed online (with minor variation) for decades. Some of these lists were created merely as a jokebook-style compilation, but many of the epitaphs are real.

    Some examples:

    Here lies the body of our Anna
    Done to death by a banana.
    It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
    But the skin of the thing that made her go.

    —epitaph of Anna Hopewell, Enosburg Falls, Vermont

    The children of Israel wanted bread
    And the Lord sent them manna.
    Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
    And the Devil sent him Anna.

    —epitaph of Anna Wallace in Ribbesford, England

    Here lies Ann Mann,
    Who lived an old maid
    But died an old Mann.

    —epitaph of Ann Mann, London UK, Dec. 8, 1767

    “Captain Thomas Coffin.
    Died 1842. Age 50 years.
    He’s done a-catching cod.
    And gone to meet his God.”

    —epitaph of a Rhode Island fisherman

    Here lies
    Ezekial Aikle
    Age 102
    The Good Die Young.

    —epitaph of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia

    To the Memory of Abraham Beaulieu
    Born 15 September 1822
    Accidentally shot 4th April 1844
    As a mark of affection from his brother.

    —epitaph in La Pointe, Wisconsin

    Gone, but not forgiven.

    —epitaph of an adulterous husband in Atlanta

    Here underneath this little stone
    Lies Robert Earl of Huntington
    No archer were as he so good
    and people called him Robin Hood
    A skillful man, above all men
    this world will never see again

    —epitaph on a lone grave in a New England forest

    Jedediah Goodwin.
    Auctioneer.
    Born 1828.
    Going! Going! Gone! 1876.

    —epitaph on an auctioneer’s tombstone

    G. Winch, the brewer, lies buried here.
    In life he was both hale and stout.
    Death brought him to his bitter bier.
    Now in heaven he hops about.

    —a brewer's epitaph

    John E. Goembel. 1867-1946.
    The defense rests.

    —an attorney’s epitaph

    Stranger tread this ground with gravity
    Dentist Brown is filling his last cavity

    —a dentist's epitaph

    Molly though pleasant in her day
    Was suddenly seized and sent away
    How soon she's ripe, how soon she's rott'n
    Sent to her grave and soon forgott'n

    —epitaph of Mary "Molly" Fowler, Milford Cemetery, Connecticut

    Professor S. B. McCracken
    School is out.
    Teacher has gone home.

    —epitaph of an Elkhart, Indiana instructor

    Sacred to the memory of
    my husband John Barnes
    who died January 3, 1803
    His comely young widow, aged 23, has
    many qualifications of a good wife, and
    yearns to be comforted.

    —epitaph of a widow in Vermont

    Beneath these stones do lie,
    Back to back my wife and I!
    When the last trumpet the air shall fill
    If she gets up, I'll just lie still.

    —epitaph on a Sargentville, Maine grave

    Here lies Lester Moore
    Four slugs from a .44
    No Les No More.

    —epitaph of an 1880s Naco, Arizona Wells Fargo station agent in Boot Hill Cemetery, Tombstone AZ

    Underneath this pile of stones
    Lies all that's left of Sally Jones.
    Her name was Lord, it was not Jones,
    But Jones was used to rhyme with stones.

    —epitaph on a tombstone in Skaneateles, New York

    Here lies
    Johnny Yeast
    Pardon me
    For not rising.

    —epitaph in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery

    Sir John Strange
    Here lies an honest lawyer,
    And that is Strange.

    —epitaph on a lawyer's grave in England

    Here lies the body
    of Jonathan Blake
    Stepped on the gas
    Instead of the brake.

    —epitaph in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery

    Reader if cash thou art
    In want of any
    Dig 4 feet deep
    And thou wilt find a Penny.

    —epitaph of John Penny in Wimborne, England

    She always said her feet were killing her
    but nobody believed her.

    —epitaph on Margaret Daniels' grave at Hollywood Cemetery, Richmond, Virginia

    On the 22nd of June
    - Jonathan Fiddle -
    Went out of tune.

    —epitaph in a cemetery in Hartscombe, England

    In Memory of Beza Wood
    Departed this life
    Nov. 2, 1837
    Aged 45 yrs.
    Here lies one Wood
    Enclosed in wood
    One Wood
    Within another.
    The outer wood
    Is very good:
    We cannot praise
    The other.

    —an epitaph in Winslow, Maine

    Under the sod and under the trees
    Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
    He is not here, there's only the pod:
    Pease shelled out and went to God.

    —epitaph from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts

    Gone Underground For Good.

    —on a coal miner's grave

    Ellen Shannon, Who was fatally burned
    March 21, 1870
    by the explosion of a lamp
    filled with "R.E. Danforth's
    Non-Explosive Burning Fluid."

    —epitaph in Girard, Pennsylvania

    Born 1903--Died 1942
    Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
    the car was on the way down. It was.

    —epitaph of Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York

    Here lays Butch,
    We planted him raw.
    He was quick on the trigger,
    But slow on the draw.

    —epitaph in a Silver City, Nevada cemetery

    I would rather be here than in Texas.

    —gravestone in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

    She lived with her husband fifty years
    And died in the confident hope of a better life.

    —gravestone in Burlington, Vermont

    Here lies my wife:
    Here let her lie!
    Now she's at rest
    And so am I.

    —unknown, another version ends "Now she has peace/And so do I"

    Here Lies Mary Smith
    Silent At Last

    —unknown

    Rebecca Freeland, 1741.
    She drank good ale,
    good punch and wine,
    and lived to the age of 99.

    —epitaph in a New Jersey cemetery

    Owen Moore
    Gone away
    Owin' more
    Than he could pay.

    —epitaph in Battersea, London UK

    Here lies the body of Margaret Bent,
    She kicked up her heels and away she went.

    —epitaph in Winterborn Steepleton Cemetery, Dorsetshire, England

    I was somebody.
    Who, is no business
    Of yours.

    —an anonymous gravesite in Stowe, Vermont

    He got a fish-bone in his throat
    and then he sang an angel note.

    —an epitaph in Schenectady, New York

    Remember man, as you walk by,
    As you are now, so once was I,
    As I am now, so shall you be,
    Remember this and follow me.

    —epitaph from an English cemetery, also spotted in Atlanta. Various sermons mention a reply "To follow you I’ll not consent, Until I know which way you went."

    Hooray my brave boys
    Let's rejoice at his fall.
    For if he had lived
    He would have buried us all.

    —epitaph on a grave digger's own tombstone

    Here lies an Atheist
    All dressed up
    And no place to go.

    —epitaph in a Thurmont, Maryland cemetery

    I told you I was sick!

    —Spike Milligan's epitaph[1]
    Back to Grave Humor
    1. ↑ Irish inscription: "Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite". Many variants spotted on multiple graves in Florida, Georgia and elsewhere.
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